future media darling (sobota) wrote,
future media darling

so hard on the knees, or step on a crack

I was doing so well today, too. Put on a pretty white dress and did my hair and wore a smile and boasted about what a change Sunday was, and I go to one fucking grocery shop and they play one fucking song and I'm back to sobbing in a bathroom stall, hands shaking and throat closing. This isn't fair! I'm done, I've chosen my path!

I'm trying to be your Switzerland, your west coast girl. My feet are bleeding to be your girl. My hands are shaking to be your girl. I've given you each piece of my heart and now I'm left staring at the hole in my chest. Do you know what it's like with your finger on the wrong trigger, every note the right one? Do you know what it means to choose a path that makes everyone happy but you? The path is crumbling beneath my feet.

You’re the moon but I'm no tide. I had a dream about sharks and aliens, and I woke up standing in the middle of a road. But it was just another dream, but I can remember saying, "the air was shimmering like a mirage". And so are you. I don't know what to do any more, I don't know what any of this means except that I'm stuck clicking next on my iPod and terrified of shopping for eggs.

There's two weeks left til I get to look you in the face, til I get to say whatever it is that's going to be on my mind, but I'm not sure I’ll be able to, anyway.

I remember that I hate LAX, and that whenever I hand over my passport I get a double-take because I don't look anything like my picture any more. I don't feel like I'm here, just some shimmer. I'm a unicorn and a mermaid all wrapped into one, and you're the only one that caught me. You are horrifying.

All I wanna do is love you still, and feel your hand curl over my hip, and smell your just washed hair. But I don't know what shampoo you're using any more, and I can't remember how your fingers felt.

It’s like watching your favourite movie but getting amnesia twenty minutes in. I'm not letting the right one in; I'm letting the wrong one out.

kiss me, kiss me, you're the only one.
kill me, kill me, you're the last one.
bury me beneath the stairs, and forget about me.
Tags: lj idol
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